Breakfast of a champion right? more like breakfast of a fat girl . Yes, that is what I had for breakfast today. I know it’s pure crap, but it is what I wanted. I really wanted it last night but I put it off. See, I’m not really on a diet. I just watch my portions and I try not to eat junk. But if I feel I really need to eat the junk, I won’t den myself and instead of eating it right before bedtime i will wait until morning to eat it. There are a couple of benefits to this:

1. Obviously eating junk in the morning is better than eating it at the end of the day. I have all day to burn it off.
2. Quite often once morning comes, I don’t want the junk anymore. It’s kind of cool how that works.

Unfortunately, number 2 didn’t happend for me today. but that’s okay . tomorrow is another day and I’m out of cheetos

I love to listen to music and there is this song I’ve always identified with whether I’ve been fat or thin. It is called Beautiful by the band Joydrop. It is about 6 years old or so, but for me it’s a timeless song. Do you have any songs you identify with? Feel free to click on the link above to listen to it. Here are the lyrics:

IF I WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
OH THE THINGS I WOULD DO
THOSE NOT SO BLESSED WOULD BE CRYING OUT MURDER
AND I’D JUST LAUGH AND GET AWAY WITH IT TOO
LIKE YOU DO

IF I WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
I WOULD NEVER BE AT FAULT
I’D WALK IN THE RAIN BETWEEN RAIN THE DROPS
BRINGING TRAFFIC TO A HALT

BUT THAT WOULD NEVER BE
THAT WOULD NEVER NEVER BE
‘CAUSE I’M NOT BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
IM BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME

IF I WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
I’D BE QUICK TO ASSUME
THEY’D DO ANYTHING TO PLEASE ME WHY NOT
I SEE THEIR REACTION WHEN YOU WALK INTO THE ROOM

BUT THAT WOULD NEVER BE
THAT WOULD NEVER NEVER BE
‘CAUSE I’M NOT BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
IM BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
LIKE ME
LIKE ME

IF I WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU I’D HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS
ALL FIGHTING FOR MY TIME TO BE NEXT IN LINE
SO IF I HURT ONE I WOULDN’T HAVE TO MAKE AMENDS

BUT THAT WOULD NEVER BE
THAT WOULD NEVER NEVER BE
‘CAUSE I’M NOT BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
IM NOT BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
IM NOT BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
IM BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
IM BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
IM BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME

Well, it was back to the gym for me today. It had been couple of months since i’ve been back but now that I’m not chasing little children around during the day, I don’t have any excuse NOT to go. I only did the elliptical machine, but as I left I went for a short run to stretch those muscles. It felt great. I think I’ll go back tomorrow.

Yes, I’m a dirty girl. No, I’m not talking about being a sexually depraved person (that’s an entirely different post)… I’m talking cleanliness here. I realize you are all probably about to vomit in your mouths, but let me continue please .

I think this has something to do with being able to work at home, but basically, I only shower every other day or so. I wonder if I’m alone in this. I’m sure those who work out of the home shower everyday, but do you do it on weekends as well?

I try and work out everyday and when I don’t have a full hour to devote to it, I will do a little in the morning, a little, in the afternoon, a little wherever I can fit in the time basically. Well, my rationale goes something like this:

I wake up… why should I shower when I’m about to work out. So after my workout when I’m able to rest, why don’t I shower then? Well, why get clean when I’d like to work out some more later if I get the time. This is a continuous cycle I’m afraid and yes, with this rationale I could really never shower, couldn’t I? I just shaved my legs the other day after a month of not. Today is Monday and I haven’t showered since Saturday. Will I shower today.. probably. But if I don’t need to do anything or see anyone, why should I shower after my workout tomorrow morning. I can just save a little extra water and shower on Wednesday.

Also, if I’m all clean and smelling delicious.. I don’t want to work out b/c I don’t want to get stinky. My head’s all jacked up

Okay.. proceed to vomit. Have a nice day.

I am finally settled down and able to get back to life as normal. I have been busy travelling and have been without a reliable Internet connection. Life is good overall but has been so hectic that I am excited for it to be boring. I’ve got lots of pictures of statues and catherals and things like that to put up!

In my last post I mentioned I had lost 10 pounds last month and lost 5 more this month. How I did it was not the best way. Stress will do amazing things for your weight I’m afraid. I was just extremely busy and had so much on my mind that I didn’t eat much and when I ate, I ate like crap which is why I have no idea how I lost weight. Now though things are a little calmer and I know the weight loss will slow down but i really don’t mind as I’d rather by fat than always stressed like I was!

On a positive side, I am running again which is a great feeling. My son just got into school last week so I will also be able to start going to the gym after I drop him off. Now, it’s time for me to catch up on all my friends blogs! I’ve missed everyone and am glad to be back!

Well, this past month has been pretty good for me weight-wise. I lost 10 pounds and now my pants are hanging off of me. I mean.. hanging. My butt looks completely undesirable in them because the pants just sag off. Not an entirely bad position to be in. I think I need to get some new pants.

I wish I had a working scale as I think my body is doing good. I still haven’t had much time to workout, but I also haven’t had much time to think about food. I’ve been running all over the place and am just very busy that I haven’t had time to sit around and think, which so often can lead to sitting around and eating. I have also been eating smaller portions. Don’t worry, I’ve been a good girl and am getting my three meals a day; they are just relatively small in size and I haven’t had time to snack.

I hope to go for a jog tomorrow. The tires on my jogging stroller are a little flat, but I think they will hold up. I will make it my mission to get a couple new tires this week.

My assplosions have seemed to calm down although I have a new respect for the toilet Gods. I have learned not to anger them! We’ll see how that goes.

The past week has been pretty good. Haven’t gotten out and exercised much but I’ve been eating pretty well. I’ve done some physical exertion (NO im not talking about sex) but nothing too strenuous.

I’m pretty content with life right now and have accepted all of the changes to come. I’m ready to embrace them and make the most of it. I’ll be busy for a little while so it may be quiet on the Fat Girl front for a couple of weeks, but i will pop in and give my shout out whenever I can.

i of course will be reading everyone’s blogs. Can’t get enough of that!!

Holy Shit….. literally. I don’t think I’ve ever crapped so much in my entire lifetime This past week my rear has been glued to the toilet. My girlfriend said it’s a sign of stress. Well, this isn’t how I planned on losing weight. For not… it’s back to the toilet.

Flush.

The past year and a half of my life was an emotional roller coaster. I put on weight during this time and I have seemed to hold onto it. it’s almost like a security blanket in a sense. Once you finally accept yourself for being the weight you are, you get comfortable and kind of use it as a guard; you hide behind it.

I feel like this is what I’ve been doing for so long. There is some security in knowing that the people closest to you will always accept you and love you no matter your size. But there is also that fear of rejection. I don’t know how many times I’ve avoided certain situations b/c i was afraid people would not look at me..but instead look at my fat and judge me.

It seems counter-productive that what makes you feel bad (the fat) also makes you feel safe. Pretty twisted, but I think that is what has been happening.

This past week has been the beginning of the peak of this long ride and I expect it to last just a few more weeks before I finally start to descend. because of events that have happened in this week though, it has really prompted me to do a lot of soul searching and I’ve realized it’s time to let go of what’s comfortable. Of all of the things that make me feel safe and basically just go for it… It is my time. Expect many ups and downs from me, but expect results. I have no doubt I have the motivation right now…so let’s hope it stays that way!