No, no.. I’m not giving up sex. It would be a cold day in hell before I do that. I have a soda that I love to drink and i didn’t want to give it up at all. I’ve referred to this soda as liquid sex… it is so yummy but it is by far one of the worst sodas you could drink. It’s loaded with more soda than others and the caffeine is off the chart! It is my beloved Mountain Dew.

I gave it up the day I blogged about my breakfast of Mountain dew and Cheetos. I didn’t write about it because I wasn’t sure how long I would be able to give it up. I usually have 1 or 2 cans every morning and I really feel like I need it much like coffee drinkers need their coffee in the morning. It has actually been tough and I find myself longing for a mountain dew. It’s a fucking soda and I’m wanting it like I want to get laid….wtf is wrong with me?

I feel like I’ve broken up with a love that I’m not ready to give up!

I love you mountain Dew.. and I’m sorry.

I know we all give up things we like when we try to lose weight… but what are some things people have given up that has been EXTREMELY hard on them.. something they’ve had an emotional or physical (NO..not that you sickos) affair with?

Holy Shit….. literally. I don’t think I’ve ever crapped so much in my entire lifetime This past week my rear has been glued to the toilet. My girlfriend said it’s a sign of stress. Well, this isn’t how I planned on losing weight. For not… it’s back to the toilet.

Flush.

The past year and a half of my life was an emotional roller coaster. I put on weight during this time and I have seemed to hold onto it. it’s almost like a security blanket in a sense. Once you finally accept yourself for being the weight you are, you get comfortable and kind of use it as a guard; you hide behind it.

I feel like this is what I’ve been doing for so long. There is some security in knowing that the people closest to you will always accept you and love you no matter your size. But there is also that fear of rejection. I don’t know how many times I’ve avoided certain situations b/c i was afraid people would not look at me..but instead look at my fat and judge me.

It seems counter-productive that what makes you feel bad (the fat) also makes you feel safe. Pretty twisted, but I think that is what has been happening.

This past week has been the beginning of the peak of this long ride and I expect it to last just a few more weeks before I finally start to descend. because of events that have happened in this week though, it has really prompted me to do a lot of soul searching and I’ve realized it’s time to let go of what’s comfortable. Of all of the things that make me feel safe and basically just go for it… It is my time. Expect many ups and downs from me, but expect results. I have no doubt I have the motivation right now…so let’s hope it stays that way!

Whenever you deny yourself something, it seems you want it THAT much more. I’ve been having cravings lately for so many different things that I just shouldn’t have. I was thinking if maybe i posted about the cravings… perhaps in painful detail, it may help to squash that craving!

Here goes!

One of my weaknesses is ice cream. It’s something I can eat tons of and never feel full (which is a dangerous thing when you are trying to get in shape. One of my favorite ways to eat ice cream is to take plain old Vanilla ice cream, douse it in hershey’s syrup and put some sprinkles on it for a little crunch! It’s absolutely delicious.

add them together and you get something magical