In April, I had to fly for a business trip. This is the first time I had flown as a fat girl. I sit in my seat, which i fit into okay thankfully, and i go to buckle my seat belt and I have to let all of the slack out so i can buckle it. I was mortified. As I was letting the slack out I wondered if my neighbor next to me was staring at me thinking… give it up girl, just ask for an extender. But, somehow, I was able to wrap my seat belt around my poochy belly and CLICK.

Last week, I had another business trip. I board the airplane and I’m not looking forward to sitting down at all. Since April I have lost 10 pounds, but I’m still nervous. What if I didn’t lose it in the right spots or what if the seatbelt was smaller. What do I do, What do I do???

I sit down. My large bum still fits in the seat. Truth time. Will the safety belt fit around my bulging belly? With my right hand I grab the buckle, with my left I grab the belt I start bringing them together. I need to lengthen the belt with the extra slack and all of the sudden I an buckle AND I have an extra inch of slack.

Yay!

I’m afraid of going to the gym….but I did it anyway. This may sound so silly but for the past 6 months, I have been avoiding the gym like the plague. I’d rather go run at the park or so exercises at home. I have a few reasons for this.

1. I always wonder what people think when a fat girl is at the gym. So many people are so fit and pretty that I just think I’d feel out of place and that with every step on the treadmill, I may break it

2. I used to go to the gym when I was thin. People would see me everyday working out. While I rarely talked to anyone, there was a familiarity there. Always a nod and a simple hi. How do I face these people now that I’m fat.

So, I said to myself screw it. I’m going. And I went. And it felt great. And I’ll go again. Yay me.

What are your fat-related fears?

Whenever you deny yourself something, it seems you want it THAT much more. I’ve been having cravings lately for so many different things that I just shouldn’t have. I was thinking if maybe i posted about the cravings… perhaps in painful detail, it may help to squash that craving!

Here goes!

One of my weaknesses is ice cream. It’s something I can eat tons of and never feel full (which is a dangerous thing when you are trying to get in shape. One of my favorite ways to eat ice cream is to take plain old Vanilla ice cream, douse it in hershey’s syrup and put some sprinkles on it for a little crunch! It’s absolutely delicious.

add them together and you get something magical

When I woke I intended to just do my elliptical machine and my abdominal exercises, but that didn’t happen! I got up around 6 this morning, finally rolled out of bed around 7. Got on my elliptical machine for a good 25 minutes. Burned about 350 calories . Got some water and went to work for a bit. Had toast for breakfast and then did some crunches.

For reasons beyond my control I had to leave work this morning so I decided to make the most of that time and I went for a run. 30 minutes later I was feeling pretty good. The thing is, I feel like I could do more. Maybe I will lift some weights during the next world cup game!

Yay me!

This week my letter is D. As I think of D, so many words come to my mind, so I think it will be tricky to find the ones that really define me.

• Dork - I’m such a dork…. a HUGE dork in fact (no pun intended there :p). I love to have fun and just be a goofball. I’m afraid I will be one of those parents who always embarrass their children . At least that is what i will strive to be!
• Demanding - I am extremely demanding of myself. I hold myself to a standard that I believe is sometimes unattainable. This makes it very easy to disappoint myself I’m afraid.
• Distant - When I have a rough day or something is bothering me, I tend to just shut out people and I get very distant.
• Delicious - Does this REALLY need an explanation
• Disappointed - I am quite disappointed with myself in so many ways. I like to think I’m a strong woman who can be very disciplined but sometimes I set goals for myself and I just CAN’T keep them no matter what I do.
• Deliberate -

I typically don’t do things without a reason. I think things through before I act for the most part.

• Dutiful - I posess a great sense of duty and have no problem fulfilling obligations. I won’t commit to something unless I know i will follow-through.
• Delightful - I think I’m just a bowl full of roses. Can you smell them
• Direct - You won’t get fluff or pretty pictures with me. I will tell it like I see it.

This past week I’ve been getting better about my exercise, but I’m still not where I want to be. I expect to step it up tomorrow though. I didn’t take many opportunities for cardio last week. I ran twice and used the elliptical machine once. I tried to do my pushups and situps daily, but that didn’t happen. I was thinking of adding an exercise journal on the site here so I can update it daily and really take notice of how I’m doing. Tomorrow morning I will do my measurements for the week and let everyone know. Pound-wise things are about the same. Lost almost a pound but not quite so I don’t really count it.

I had a pretty good weekend. I spent most of it away from the computer and with my family. It was pretty relaxing. Tomorrow its back to the grindstone, I’m afraid. I have been enjoying the World Cup. Why does it have to only be on every 4 years. I think yearly would be awesome. Who do I call about that?

Hello? yes, this is Fat Girl. It really helps my days go by when I get to watch a bunch of good looking men sweat and play their asses off in a good game of soccer (football for you non-US types). Would you mind making this event yearly please? ok, wonderful. I’ll send candy.

I really wanted to put a face to Fat Girl, so I talked to some friends who talked to other friends and wa lah! Now I’ve got this really cool illustration to represent Fat Girl up in the header. I really like her. I wanted her to be pretty and sexy and sassy. So often if you’re fat you feel like you cant be pretty or sexy and that is also the image a lot of society puts on us fat girls. Well, I say we CAN be beautiful and sexy. Hopefully Fat Girl represents that well enough.

Anyway, I hope everyone likes Fat Girl. I love her

Continuing the commitment I made back here, I need to tr to come up with 10 words that start with C that can describe me.

Clever - I like to think I’m pretty damn funny. I’m not the loud, outgoing type that can walk into a room and be the life of the party. I am pretty quiet but when I talk, I quite often shut everyone up. I can be quite clever.

Coy - I can be quite shy and reserved. I’m usually very quiet in a lot of social situations.

Critical - I’m extremely critical of myself. Overly-critical I’d say. Sigh…..

Creative - Think outside of the box? I certainly do!

Cautious - If i want a new car, for example, I will research for months, sometimes years, before I buy. I make sure I do all of my research and only then will I make a purchase.

Caring - I love to love. I have so much love and affection to give–an infinite amount!

Cheerful - In general I’m a happy person.

Charismatic - When I work I am very charismatic. I am able to motivate and encourage the people that work with me or for me.

Capable - I am very capable in a lot of areas in my life.

Cool - I’m one cool chick!