Well, this past month has been pretty good for me weight-wise. I lost 10 pounds and now my pants are hanging off of me. I mean.. hanging. My butt looks completely undesirable in them because the pants just sag off. Not an entirely bad position to be in. I think I need to get some new pants.

I wish I had a working scale as I think my body is doing good. I still haven’t had much time to workout, but I also haven’t had much time to think about food. I’ve been running all over the place and am just very busy that I haven’t had time to sit around and think, which so often can lead to sitting around and eating. I have also been eating smaller portions. Don’t worry, I’ve been a good girl and am getting my three meals a day; they are just relatively small in size and I haven’t had time to snack.

I hope to go for a jog tomorrow. The tires on my jogging stroller are a little flat, but I think they will hold up. I will make it my mission to get a couple new tires this week.

My assplosions have seemed to calm down although I have a new respect for the toilet Gods. I have learned not to anger them! We’ll see how that goes.

The past week has been pretty good. Haven’t gotten out and exercised much but I’ve been eating pretty well. I’ve done some physical exertion (NO im not talking about sex) but nothing too strenuous.

I’m pretty content with life right now and have accepted all of the changes to come. I’m ready to embrace them and make the most of it. I’ll be busy for a little while so it may be quiet on the Fat Girl front for a couple of weeks, but i will pop in and give my shout out whenever I can.

i of course will be reading everyone’s blogs. Can’t get enough of that!!

Holy Shit….. literally. I don’t think I’ve ever crapped so much in my entire lifetime This past week my rear has been glued to the toilet. My girlfriend said it’s a sign of stress. Well, this isn’t how I planned on losing weight. For not… it’s back to the toilet.

Flush.

The past year and a half of my life was an emotional roller coaster. I put on weight during this time and I have seemed to hold onto it. it’s almost like a security blanket in a sense. Once you finally accept yourself for being the weight you are, you get comfortable and kind of use it as a guard; you hide behind it.

I feel like this is what I’ve been doing for so long. There is some security in knowing that the people closest to you will always accept you and love you no matter your size. But there is also that fear of rejection. I don’t know how many times I’ve avoided certain situations b/c i was afraid people would not look at me..but instead look at my fat and judge me.

It seems counter-productive that what makes you feel bad (the fat) also makes you feel safe. Pretty twisted, but I think that is what has been happening.

This past week has been the beginning of the peak of this long ride and I expect it to last just a few more weeks before I finally start to descend. because of events that have happened in this week though, it has really prompted me to do a lot of soul searching and I’ve realized it’s time to let go of what’s comfortable. Of all of the things that make me feel safe and basically just go for it… It is my time. Expect many ups and downs from me, but expect results. I have no doubt I have the motivation right now…so let’s hope it stays that way!

The past couple of weeks have been EXTREMELY busy for me in all respects of my life. I’ve got quite the pile on my desk work-wise, my friends want to spend lots of time with me as I do them, and of course my life at home is crazy! I feel like I’m constantly on the go and i just want to get off this ride! That is life I guess, and this particular month just seems to be one of those hectic ones. The downside is I really don’t have anytime to take care of myself the way I should be. I’m eating okay I guess. Not bad, but not entirely good. Just kind of getting by. The part that really sucks is I haven’t had anytime to exercise. I could really use it just to help with the stress. Working out has always been a big stress relief for me and i could use it now more than ever.

Fortunately, there is an end to this madness in sight, but it won’t come for a couple weeks and at that point, the feeling of GO-GO-GO, is going to have a dramatic 180 degree and I think I will be quite down.

You see, I have a lot of things going on in my life right now.. a lot of changes. My biggest fear is the fear of the unknown and that is where I’m heading in life. I am moving and will need to meet new friends, etc.

so much to say here! I will write further on this later.. in the meantime, back to the insanity!

It is definitely awkward being the “Fat friend”. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no animosity to my girlfriends for being skinny. They are beautiful girls and I love them to death. Recently, we had a fabulous girls weekend out. When I say fabulous, that is an understatement. It was one of my favorite weekends! Now the har part of that weekend for me was when we went shopping. We were going into all of the stylish stores that don’t carry sizes larger than 14. It was hard to be that girl that just goes in and just acts like she doesn’t want anything, or is just looking at socks and hats. Socks for christ’s sake!

Oh, can you guess which is me?

Yes people, this is what is landing people on my site. People are googling for terms like:

“Fat Sexy Girl”
“Fat Ass Girl”

Let me tell you.. those are the kind of people I was trying to attract when I started this blog! I wonder if they are disappointed when they get here!

Yesterday I was out somewhere and I saw some people who were most likely a good 100 pounds heavier than me. I noticed I was comparing myself to them. Look at her stomach. At least mine is MUCH smaller than theirs. Just recently I was sitting in a waiting room and there was a girl in there sitting with her husband and she couldn’t fit in the chair. Granted these weren’t the biggest chairs, but she had to turn sideways to fit in it. I noticed myself looking down and seeing how much room there was between my hips and the side of the chair.

What this comes down to is I’m a bitch. What right do I have to compar myself to anyone really. I started wondering if people who were thinner than me were thanking their God, Buddha, flavor of the week, that they weren’t as fat as me. Well, that obviously didn’t make me feel very good. If I was doing it, surely someone else was too. I know I’m not the only self-conscience bitch out here.

The more i thought about it the more i realized why I did that. When I looked at these people I wasn’t thinking.. ewww yuck. I was trying to make myself feel better about my own size. Since being fat, I’ve come a long way with accepting my body size. I really believe that before you can change something about yourself, you need to learn to accept what you have. When I started gaining weight, I used to wear baggy clothes an try to hide myself. I thought if the clothes were baggy enough, no one would notice. I’ve changed that and will even wear form-fitting clothes that highlight parts of my body that i like.. tastefully of course.

I’m curious as to if other people have done this or if i AM the only rotten one? see again, i’m looking for company in my misery :/

Something not many people think about, much less talk about, is that it is a pain in the rear to groom yourself properly when you’re fat! I’m not talking about tweezing the brows or poofing out the hair.. I’m talking about grooming your nether regions.

So, I’m standing in the shower and I’m looking down. Hi Toes. i still see you. Hi gut… yes, I still see you too unfortunately. But where is my friend the vagina? where oh where? Oh yes, It’s hiding behind my belly. Come out come out wherever you are; you need a haircut.

I still haven’t figured out the easiest way to do this and my grooming practices change based on how long I go between bushcuts. If It’s been a while, I need to first start with the clippers and trim the area. Well how do i get there very easily when im a little pudgy down there. I can’t just look down. So I either have to lean over, stand in front of a mirror or lie down on my bed with my legs spread . There is only one reason I should be in that position dammit… and it shouldn’t be because I’m fat and I need to give my bush a good trim. Once its all manageable, then i need to get in the shower. Since I can’t see my little friend very easily, I grab my razor and attack it like a blind person. When I was thin i used to have the strip or whatever little thing i wanted. But since I can’t see it very well, I opt to take it all off that way I can’t mess up. I just move my hand around, searching for hair and as I stumble across it I eliminate it. BE GONE!

So yeah.. that’s something that sucks about being fat!