Long weekends are so nice. This past weekend was a long weekend in the states because of Veteran’s Day. I realize not all places get it off, so I’m sorry for those that don’t; but I do and I took advantage of it dammit.

Not too much really happened this weekend. We went over to a friends house and just hung out. We got there after everyone finished eating so there were 4 hot wings left. Yes… 4. Who can eat just 4? Those things are so damn good and that’s all we get. Luckily the husband doesn’t eat hot wings so I got them all. *grin*

Then I don’t think I left the house all weekend after that. Wait, i did to go run errands on Saturday, but otherwise I was a homebody and I quite enjoyed myself. It’s always nice to not have something to do and enjoy your surroundings and really appreciate the people you are with. I think sometimes it’s easy to take things for granted and just sitting around and thinking about life and everything that comes with it can be pretty therapeutic…even with all the emotions and ups and downs.

So, now that i’m not making anysense, perhaps I will stop. Hopefully this week is very productive for me. I have the gym in my schedule for tomorrow so that will be a good start of the day. Other than that, I will try to get some work done!

Oh.. and the baking binge I’ve been on will come to good use soon. I’m going to have a bake sale and donate the money. Might as well make some good use out of my sanity.

Hope you all have a great week.

In my attempt to see the positives in my life, i must say that something good did come out of October… I lost 3 more pounds. October was just a very rough month for me; filled with change, big decisions, and loss. The two don’t go well together I’m afraid. I am looking forward to getting on with November as it can’t be worse I’m sure.

But anyway, back to seeing the good in all of this …

I did lose three more pounds. That’s not quite as good as the previous month, but I’ll take it! I think I’m going to switch up my exercise routine this month and challenge myself a bit more. I seem to be in decent shape even if I wear a wide load sign when I run. I don’t have a problem with endurance and I’m afraid I can’t attribute that to all of the sex i’m NOT having. Oh yes, back to good things. 3 pounds. 3 pounds. 3 pounds.

Hope everyone is doing well out there! I finally got a chance to catch up on my blog readings from the past two weeks. It was nice to see how everyone is doing.

About a week ago, I lost someone I had grown to love and since then I’ve been cooking and cleaning like a mad woman. My family has been well fed this past week. i’ve made cakes and breads and muffins and every morning I make an elaborate breakfast and I’ve been packing my son’s lunch for school instead of him using his “hot lunch” ticket. For dinner I spend almost 2 hours making a big meal.

I guess this is my way of greiving. Luckily though, I’ve been spending so much time cooking and cleaning that I really don’t want to eat everything. It’s interesting how everyone deals with things differently. I’ve run out of room in my kitchen though so hopefully this new obsession of mine ends soon.

No, no.. I’m not giving up sex. It would be a cold day in hell before I do that. I have a soda that I love to drink and i didn’t want to give it up at all. I’ve referred to this soda as liquid sex… it is so yummy but it is by far one of the worst sodas you could drink. It’s loaded with more soda than others and the caffeine is off the chart! It is my beloved Mountain Dew.

I gave it up the day I blogged about my breakfast of Mountain dew and Cheetos. I didn’t write about it because I wasn’t sure how long I would be able to give it up. I usually have 1 or 2 cans every morning and I really feel like I need it much like coffee drinkers need their coffee in the morning. It has actually been tough and I find myself longing for a mountain dew. It’s a fucking soda and I’m wanting it like I want to get laid….wtf is wrong with me?

I feel like I’ve broken up with a love that I’m not ready to give up!

I love you mountain Dew.. and I’m sorry.

I know we all give up things we like when we try to lose weight… but what are some things people have given up that has been EXTREMELY hard on them.. something they’ve had an emotional or physical (NO..not that you sickos) affair with?

The other night I had the most realistic dream and it still haunts me in fact. When i was thin, I used to practice yoga regularly and go to classes alot. Well, in my dream, I was fat and I decided to go to a yoga class. Upon entering, the instructor redircted me to the back of the class along the wall and said, “large asses in the rear”. I noticed that my neighbors were a little on the heavy side too. I didn’t say anything for some reason and just went to the back. A couple more chubby girls came in after me and they were also pointed to the back.

That is really the extent of that dream, but oh how it fucked up my head when i woke up. I know how it made me feel and i sat there and analyzed why I felt that way. It made me feel like shit, but it’s all based on my subconscience feeling that because I’m fat I shouldn’t be doing yoga. Yoga is for health people and I’m not quite there yet.

Earlier in the day before I had that dream, i read someone’s blog about doing new exercises and someone made a comment that she too would pick up running when she slimmed down a bit. I remember thinking.. I’m glad I don’t have any shame. I will get outside in spandex and a tanktop with my ass jiggling all around for a good run. But, yoga didn’t even enter my mind–until i went to bed. When I woke I realized that I do have the same thoughts as the girl who wasn’t ready to run yet.. but for me it was yoga. I wasn’t ready to go into a yoga class yet for fear of looking like a total fat ass in the company of all of these strong and healthy people

Breakfast of a champion right? more like breakfast of a fat girl . Yes, that is what I had for breakfast today. I know it’s pure crap, but it is what I wanted. I really wanted it last night but I put it off. See, I’m not really on a diet. I just watch my portions and I try not to eat junk. But if I feel I really need to eat the junk, I won’t den myself and instead of eating it right before bedtime i will wait until morning to eat it. There are a couple of benefits to this:

1. Obviously eating junk in the morning is better than eating it at the end of the day. I have all day to burn it off.
2. Quite often once morning comes, I don’t want the junk anymore. It’s kind of cool how that works.

Unfortunately, number 2 didn’t happend for me today. but that’s okay . tomorrow is another day and I’m out of cheetos

I love to listen to music and there is this song I’ve always identified with whether I’ve been fat or thin. It is called Beautiful by the band Joydrop. It is about 6 years old or so, but for me it’s a timeless song. Do you have any songs you identify with? Feel free to click on the link above to listen to it. Here are the lyrics:

IF I WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
OH THE THINGS I WOULD DO
THOSE NOT SO BLESSED WOULD BE CRYING OUT MURDER
AND I’D JUST LAUGH AND GET AWAY WITH IT TOO
LIKE YOU DO

IF I WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
I WOULD NEVER BE AT FAULT
I’D WALK IN THE RAIN BETWEEN RAIN THE DROPS
BRINGING TRAFFIC TO A HALT

BUT THAT WOULD NEVER BE
THAT WOULD NEVER NEVER BE
‘CAUSE I’M NOT BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
IM BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME

IF I WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
I’D BE QUICK TO ASSUME
THEY’D DO ANYTHING TO PLEASE ME WHY NOT
I SEE THEIR REACTION WHEN YOU WALK INTO THE ROOM

BUT THAT WOULD NEVER BE
THAT WOULD NEVER NEVER BE
‘CAUSE I’M NOT BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
IM BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
LIKE ME
LIKE ME

IF I WAS BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU I’D HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS
ALL FIGHTING FOR MY TIME TO BE NEXT IN LINE
SO IF I HURT ONE I WOULDN’T HAVE TO MAKE AMENDS

BUT THAT WOULD NEVER BE
THAT WOULD NEVER NEVER BE
‘CAUSE I’M NOT BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
IM NOT BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
IM NOT BEAUTIFUL LIKE YOU
IM BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
IM BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME
IM BEAUTIFUL LIKE ME

Well, it was back to the gym for me today. It had been couple of months since i’ve been back but now that I’m not chasing little children around during the day, I don’t have any excuse NOT to go. I only did the elliptical machine, but as I left I went for a short run to stretch those muscles. It felt great. I think I’ll go back tomorrow.

Yes, I’m a dirty girl. No, I’m not talking about being a sexually depraved person (that’s an entirely different post)… I’m talking cleanliness here. I realize you are all probably about to vomit in your mouths, but let me continue please .

I think this has something to do with being able to work at home, but basically, I only shower every other day or so. I wonder if I’m alone in this. I’m sure those who work out of the home shower everyday, but do you do it on weekends as well?

I try and work out everyday and when I don’t have a full hour to devote to it, I will do a little in the morning, a little, in the afternoon, a little wherever I can fit in the time basically. Well, my rationale goes something like this:

I wake up… why should I shower when I’m about to work out. So after my workout when I’m able to rest, why don’t I shower then? Well, why get clean when I’d like to work out some more later if I get the time. This is a continuous cycle I’m afraid and yes, with this rationale I could really never shower, couldn’t I? I just shaved my legs the other day after a month of not. Today is Monday and I haven’t showered since Saturday. Will I shower today.. probably. But if I don’t need to do anything or see anyone, why should I shower after my workout tomorrow morning. I can just save a little extra water and shower on Wednesday.

Also, if I’m all clean and smelling delicious.. I don’t want to work out b/c I don’t want to get stinky. My head’s all jacked up

Okay.. proceed to vomit. Have a nice day.

I am finally settled down and able to get back to life as normal. I have been busy travelling and have been without a reliable Internet connection. Life is good overall but has been so hectic that I am excited for it to be boring. I’ve got lots of pictures of statues and catherals and things like that to put up!

In my last post I mentioned I had lost 10 pounds last month and lost 5 more this month. How I did it was not the best way. Stress will do amazing things for your weight I’m afraid. I was just extremely busy and had so much on my mind that I didn’t eat much and when I ate, I ate like crap which is why I have no idea how I lost weight. Now though things are a little calmer and I know the weight loss will slow down but i really don’t mind as I’d rather by fat than always stressed like I was!

On a positive side, I am running again which is a great feeling. My son just got into school last week so I will also be able to start going to the gym after I drop him off. Now, it’s time for me to catch up on all my friends blogs! I’ve missed everyone and am glad to be back!