Sigh…going to events like dinner parties and birthday parties is always hard when you’re fat. You try to stay away from the food as much as possible and everyone asks you why you’re sitting there drinking water, “Have a beer or a glass of wine!” Meanwhile you KNOW how many calories are in that beer or wine. I don’t know about you but if I’m going to have 300 calories, I’d rather have 300 calories of something good over a beer or wine.

When I’m around my friends, I am really relaxed but when I am around people I don’t know, I feel like everyone is staring at me, judging me. Yes I’m paranoid. It all has to do with how I see myself though. Last night I went to a party and definitely felt out of place. Everyone there was looking glamorous and beautiful and I felt like I wanted to crawl under the table and hide. I’m not the best mingler but I forced myself to get out there and chat with some people I didn’t know. It is definitely alot easier when you are happy in your own skin.

The meal time wasn’t bad, it was the dessert time that was tough. Everyone is eating dessert and the pressure is on you to have some too. Do you cave and have some or do you say thanks but no thanks.

Well, initially I was strong. I said, no thanks. Then the host came around again, “Won’t you please have some?”, fine..a small piece and of course they bring back what isn’t a very small piece and I ate it all. I’m weak right now . Losing weight sucks.

I found this great post listing all sorts of websites that can help us lose weight by providing nifty graphs and extra accountability. Does anyone use any of these or are there any other tools that I’m missing?

I’m thinking of signing up for Gimme20 account and a traineo account.

Anything that helps right?

i was reading this post that explains that basically with exercise along or a combination of diet and exercise, your weight loss will eventually plateau. Well, I’m wondering how this is news.

Apparently the study is supposed to tell us how to overcome this plateau or something. I am extremely doubtful though, but wouldn’t that be cool!

I was reading Tracy’s blog where she brought up a good point about being out with friends and them not supporting her the way she needed it. I’ve experienced this before; you are out with friends, they expect you to eat as they eat and drink as you drink. Well, we all know what a night like that can do to our weightloss efforts.

I think though when friends try to get you to drink with them or eat what they are eating; that they aren’t trying to hurt your efforts, but instead just think you look fine the way you are and they probably feel like you are denying yourselves a good time.

It’s hard though, do you say something and risk offending your friends? Do you give in to their pressure? I wouldn’t do either unless it got overwhelming. I typically just say no thanks, I’m fine. I haven’t yet had to say something to a friend, but what do you do when things like that happen?

I was just sitting here, looking at my belly and thinking.. I wish there was an easy way. I know I’m not alone in this When we want to get healthy we want results fast, but we all KNOW, that the most effective way to maintain weight loss is to lose it slowly. but COME ON PEOPLE. Don’t the weight loss gods know that I’m impatient? I want to know all the tricks people have used to help and if there are any shortcuts… spill em!

I’ve been reading alot about hypnosis lately and have even considered that which is HUGE for me. I’m just tired and I think I just need some motivation. I’m at the point where I’ve lost about half the weight I want to lose and I’m becoming happier with my body and my health. I can run and exercise like i used to. I am a lot stronger, my body is more defined, and I just feel better about myself. I just now need to make sure i don’t get too comfortable in this skin and I persist to go all the way. I’m sure this is a feeling plenty of you have felt so I would love to hear any advice!

The other night I had the most realistic dream and it still haunts me in fact. When i was thin, I used to practice yoga regularly and go to classes alot. Well, in my dream, I was fat and I decided to go to a yoga class. Upon entering, the instructor redircted me to the back of the class along the wall and said, “large asses in the rear”. I noticed that my neighbors were a little on the heavy side too. I didn’t say anything for some reason and just went to the back. A couple more chubby girls came in after me and they were also pointed to the back.

That is really the extent of that dream, but oh how it fucked up my head when i woke up. I know how it made me feel and i sat there and analyzed why I felt that way. It made me feel like shit, but it’s all based on my subconscience feeling that because I’m fat I shouldn’t be doing yoga. Yoga is for health people and I’m not quite there yet.

Earlier in the day before I had that dream, i read someone’s blog about doing new exercises and someone made a comment that she too would pick up running when she slimmed down a bit. I remember thinking.. I’m glad I don’t have any shame. I will get outside in spandex and a tanktop with my ass jiggling all around for a good run. But, yoga didn’t even enter my mind–until i went to bed. When I woke I realized that I do have the same thoughts as the girl who wasn’t ready to run yet.. but for me it was yoga. I wasn’t ready to go into a yoga class yet for fear of looking like a total fat ass in the company of all of these strong and healthy people

Breakfast of a champion right? more like breakfast of a fat girl . Yes, that is what I had for breakfast today. I know it’s pure crap, but it is what I wanted. I really wanted it last night but I put it off. See, I’m not really on a diet. I just watch my portions and I try not to eat junk. But if I feel I really need to eat the junk, I won’t den myself and instead of eating it right before bedtime i will wait until morning to eat it. There are a couple of benefits to this:

1. Obviously eating junk in the morning is better than eating it at the end of the day. I have all day to burn it off.
2. Quite often once morning comes, I don’t want the junk anymore. It’s kind of cool how that works.

Unfortunately, number 2 didn’t happend for me today. but that’s okay . tomorrow is another day and I’m out of cheetos

Well, it was back to the gym for me today. It had been couple of months since i’ve been back but now that I’m not chasing little children around during the day, I don’t have any excuse NOT to go. I only did the elliptical machine, but as I left I went for a short run to stretch those muscles. It felt great. I think I’ll go back tomorrow.

My assplosions have seemed to calm down although I have a new respect for the toilet Gods. I have learned not to anger them! We’ll see how that goes.

The past week has been pretty good. Haven’t gotten out and exercised much but I’ve been eating pretty well. I’ve done some physical exertion (NO im not talking about sex) but nothing too strenuous.

I’m pretty content with life right now and have accepted all of the changes to come. I’m ready to embrace them and make the most of it. I’ll be busy for a little while so it may be quiet on the Fat Girl front for a couple of weeks, but i will pop in and give my shout out whenever I can.

i of course will be reading everyone’s blogs. Can’t get enough of that!!

The past year and a half of my life was an emotional roller coaster. I put on weight during this time and I have seemed to hold onto it. it’s almost like a security blanket in a sense. Once you finally accept yourself for being the weight you are, you get comfortable and kind of use it as a guard; you hide behind it.

I feel like this is what I’ve been doing for so long. There is some security in knowing that the people closest to you will always accept you and love you no matter your size. But there is also that fear of rejection. I don’t know how many times I’ve avoided certain situations b/c i was afraid people would not look at me..but instead look at my fat and judge me.

It seems counter-productive that what makes you feel bad (the fat) also makes you feel safe. Pretty twisted, but I think that is what has been happening.

This past week has been the beginning of the peak of this long ride and I expect it to last just a few more weeks before I finally start to descend. because of events that have happened in this week though, it has really prompted me to do a lot of soul searching and I’ve realized it’s time to let go of what’s comfortable. Of all of the things that make me feel safe and basically just go for it… It is my time. Expect many ups and downs from me, but expect results. I have no doubt I have the motivation right now…so let’s hope it stays that way!