Sigh…going to events like dinner parties and birthday parties is always hard when you’re fat. You try to stay away from the food as much as possible and everyone asks you why you’re sitting there drinking water, “Have a beer or a glass of wine!” Meanwhile you KNOW how many calories are in that beer or wine. I don’t know about you but if I’m going to have 300 calories, I’d rather have 300 calories of something good over a beer or wine.

When I’m around my friends, I am really relaxed but when I am around people I don’t know, I feel like everyone is staring at me, judging me. Yes I’m paranoid. It all has to do with how I see myself though. Last night I went to a party and definitely felt out of place. Everyone there was looking glamorous and beautiful and I felt like I wanted to crawl under the table and hide. I’m not the best mingler but I forced myself to get out there and chat with some people I didn’t know. It is definitely alot easier when you are happy in your own skin.

The meal time wasn’t bad, it was the dessert time that was tough. Everyone is eating dessert and the pressure is on you to have some too. Do you cave and have some or do you say thanks but no thanks.

Well, initially I was strong. I said, no thanks. Then the host came around again, “Won’t you please have some?”, fine..a small piece and of course they bring back what isn’t a very small piece and I ate it all. I’m weak right now . Losing weight sucks.

Well, I’ve been gone for a while obviously. I had no idea my last post was in February. So where in the hell was I? Life got the better of me I’m afraid. I got bogged down with work, traveling, spending time with my family, etc. I kept myself pretty damn busy throughout the spring and actually was able to maintain my weight loss. Now that summer is here, I’ve been back in a funk again unfortunately. I’ve gained 15 pounds back which really pisses me off, but it’s my own fault. I just am not feeling very happy in general and I haven’t been working out at all.

I know this blog helped me so long ago and all of the great people I met through it. I’m hoping i can find my motivation again. I hope you’ll accept my apology for falling off the face of the earth. I haven’t forgotten you all!