The other night I had the most realistic dream and it still haunts me in fact. When i was thin, I used to practice yoga regularly and go to classes alot. Well, in my dream, I was fat and I decided to go to a yoga class. Upon entering, the instructor redircted me to the back of the class along the wall and said, “large asses in the rear”. I noticed that my neighbors were a little on the heavy side too. I didn’t say anything for some reason and just went to the back. A couple more chubby girls came in after me and they were also pointed to the back.

That is really the extent of that dream, but oh how it fucked up my head when i woke up. I know how it made me feel and i sat there and analyzed why I felt that way. It made me feel like shit, but it’s all based on my subconscience feeling that because I’m fat I shouldn’t be doing yoga. Yoga is for health people and I’m not quite there yet.

Earlier in the day before I had that dream, i read someone’s blog about doing new exercises and someone made a comment that she too would pick up running when she slimmed down a bit. I remember thinking.. I’m glad I don’t have any shame. I will get outside in spandex and a tanktop with my ass jiggling all around for a good run. But, yoga didn’t even enter my mind–until i went to bed. When I woke I realized that I do have the same thoughts as the girl who wasn’t ready to run yet.. but for me it was yoga. I wasn’t ready to go into a yoga class yet for fear of looking like a total fat ass in the company of all of these strong and healthy people