Being Fat and…ahem… grooming
July 13th, 2006Something not many people think about, much less talk about, is that it is a pain in the rear to groom yourself properly when you’re fat! I’m not talking about tweezing the brows or poofing out the hair.. I’m talking about grooming your nether regions.
So, I’m standing in the shower and I’m looking down. Hi Toes. i still see you. Hi gut… yes, I still see you too unfortunately. But where is my friend the vagina? where oh where? Oh yes, It’s hiding behind my belly. Come out come out wherever you are; you need a haircut.
I still haven’t figured out the easiest way to do this and my grooming practices change based on how long I go between bushcuts. If It’s been a while, I need to first start with the clippers and trim the area. Well how do i get there very easily when im a little pudgy down there. I can’t just look down. So I either have to lean over, stand in front of a mirror or lie down on my bed with my legs spread 
. There is only one reason I should be in that position dammit… and it shouldn’t be because I’m fat and I need to give my bush a good trim. Once its all manageable, then i need to get in the shower. Since I can’t see my little friend very easily, I grab my razor and attack it like a blind person. When I was thin i used to have the strip or whatever little thing i wanted. But since I can’t see it very well, I opt to take it all off that way I can’t mess up. I just move my hand around, searching for hair and as I stumble across it I eliminate it. BE GONE!
So yeah.. that’s something that sucks about being fat!
*SNORT*…I almost spat out my water all over my monitor….it is so true but no one wants to talk about it. I tend to go bare down there so it makes it much easier
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If you are not easily offended, my friend did a guest post on my blog and wrote about this very subject…now while HE was trying to be funny, a lot of the overweight women in my blogosphere replied back with varied ideas.
By the way, hi…I am hilly, aka snackiepoo and I found you through a blog of a blog; you know how it goes
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Comment by Hilly — July 13, 2006 @ 7:21 pm
Fat Girl…you’re killing me! Boy, that’s so true! You just have to swipe around with that razor like some kid playing bop the weasel at Chuck E. Cheese praying you don’t hit a vein and start bleeding and have to go to the emergency room for stitches! I haven’t seen my “friend” in years! I’ve got this big mound of fat that basically hangs over it! YUK! I just recently saw on the plastic surgery channel that you (once one loses weight) can get a vaginal lift! Who knew?! Anyhow, great blog, and very good post!
Comment by FatMom — July 14, 2006 @ 12:54 am
ever thought of going for a wax? You actually pay someone else to do it!!! its great!!!
Comment by bee — July 14, 2006 @ 4:40 am
Thanks for stopping byy Hilly. You’ve got a great blog!
FatMom, a vagina lift… WOW. i had heard of vagina surgery to make you tight again after having kids or whatever.. but a vagina lift. That’s a new one for me!
bee- I cant imagine having my girl waxed. Doesn’t that hurt? Do you really want someone that close to your vagina if they aren’t there to satisfy you? I’d b scared to death!
Comment by fat girl — July 14, 2006 @ 1:03 pm
Ha ha ha, this post cracked me up!! I usually sit on the toilet and attack with the scissors first, but I don’t bother grooming down there very often anymore, no-one sees it after all (says my husband the idiot whinger!!).
Thanks for the laugh!!
Bri
Comment by Briony — July 15, 2006 @ 6:33 pm
*LMAO* You know this is the first time I laughed about something that generally pisses me off to no end!! Thank you for posting this!!
I love your blog, please keep posting!
Comment by Renee — August 15, 2006 @ 12:34 pm
Thanks for stopping by Renee! I’ll be sure to check yours out!
Comment by fat girl — August 15, 2006 @ 6:08 pm
Why did it take me so long? LOL, I’m tickled to learn that while I’m striking w/one hand and lifting w/the other, all the while cursing the last enchilada dinner (1 hr ago),someone else is doing the same! Thanks for the laughs ladies-but I plan to have one of those vagina lifts if I have to @ 90 on my death bed….
Comment by ppnomore — March 16, 2007 @ 8:20 pm
I agree, it is difficult to “groom” that area also since it is not flat. I ust had a vaginal lift but it has to be redone. It did not hurt a t all. I took 1 pain pill which I really did not even need. Hopefully this will make it easier to keep groomed.
Comment by ttbird2005 — August 12, 2007 @ 11:10 am