It is definitely awkward being the “Fat friend”. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no animosity to my girlfriends for being skinny. They are beautiful girls and I love them to death. Recently, we had a fabulous girls weekend out. When I say fabulous, that is an understatement. It was one of my favorite weekends! Now the har part of that weekend for me was when we went shopping. We were going into all of the stylish stores that don’t carry sizes larger than 14. It was hard to be that girl that just goes in and just acts like she doesn’t want anything, or is just looking at socks and hats. Socks for christ’s sake!

Oh, can you guess which is me?

Yes people, this is what is landing people on my site. People are googling for terms like:

“Fat Sexy Girl”
“Fat Ass Girl”

Let me tell you.. those are the kind of people I was trying to attract when I started this blog! I wonder if they are disappointed when they get here!

Yesterday I was out somewhere and I saw some people who were most likely a good 100 pounds heavier than me. I noticed I was comparing myself to them. Look at her stomach. At least mine is MUCH smaller than theirs. Just recently I was sitting in a waiting room and there was a girl in there sitting with her husband and she couldn’t fit in the chair. Granted these weren’t the biggest chairs, but she had to turn sideways to fit in it. I noticed myself looking down and seeing how much room there was between my hips and the side of the chair.

What this comes down to is I’m a bitch. What right do I have to compar myself to anyone really. I started wondering if people who were thinner than me were thanking their God, Buddha, flavor of the week, that they weren’t as fat as me. Well, that obviously didn’t make me feel very good. If I was doing it, surely someone else was too. I know I’m not the only self-conscience bitch out here.

The more i thought about it the more i realized why I did that. When I looked at these people I wasn’t thinking.. ewww yuck. I was trying to make myself feel better about my own size. Since being fat, I’ve come a long way with accepting my body size. I really believe that before you can change something about yourself, you need to learn to accept what you have. When I started gaining weight, I used to wear baggy clothes an try to hide myself. I thought if the clothes were baggy enough, no one would notice. I’ve changed that and will even wear form-fitting clothes that highlight parts of my body that i like.. tastefully of course.

I’m curious as to if other people have done this or if i AM the only rotten one? see again, i’m looking for company in my misery :/

Something not many people think about, much less talk about, is that it is a pain in the rear to groom yourself properly when you’re fat! I’m not talking about tweezing the brows or poofing out the hair.. I’m talking about grooming your nether regions.

So, I’m standing in the shower and I’m looking down. Hi Toes. i still see you. Hi gut… yes, I still see you too unfortunately. But where is my friend the vagina? where oh where? Oh yes, It’s hiding behind my belly. Come out come out wherever you are; you need a haircut.

I still haven’t figured out the easiest way to do this and my grooming practices change based on how long I go between bushcuts. If It’s been a while, I need to first start with the clippers and trim the area. Well how do i get there very easily when im a little pudgy down there. I can’t just look down. So I either have to lean over, stand in front of a mirror or lie down on my bed with my legs spread . There is only one reason I should be in that position dammit… and it shouldn’t be because I’m fat and I need to give my bush a good trim. Once its all manageable, then i need to get in the shower. Since I can’t see my little friend very easily, I grab my razor and attack it like a blind person. When I was thin i used to have the strip or whatever little thing i wanted. But since I can’t see it very well, I opt to take it all off that way I can’t mess up. I just move my hand around, searching for hair and as I stumble across it I eliminate it. BE GONE!

So yeah.. that’s something that sucks about being fat!

In April, I had to fly for a business trip. This is the first time I had flown as a fat girl. I sit in my seat, which i fit into okay thankfully, and i go to buckle my seat belt and I have to let all of the slack out so i can buckle it. I was mortified. As I was letting the slack out I wondered if my neighbor next to me was staring at me thinking… give it up girl, just ask for an extender. But, somehow, I was able to wrap my seat belt around my poochy belly and CLICK.

Last week, I had another business trip. I board the airplane and I’m not looking forward to sitting down at all. Since April I have lost 10 pounds, but I’m still nervous. What if I didn’t lose it in the right spots or what if the seatbelt was smaller. What do I do, What do I do???

I sit down. My large bum still fits in the seat. Truth time. Will the safety belt fit around my bulging belly? With my right hand I grab the buckle, with my left I grab the belt I start bringing them together. I need to lengthen the belt with the extra slack and all of the sudden I an buckle AND I have an extra inch of slack.

Yay!