A lot of people share their real personal information, but I’m not sure I’m ready to divulge this yet. See, with this blog, I plan on sharing details about myself and my feelings that are unknown to most of my friends and family. There is one person who knows about this blog and that is the way it’s going to stay; for now at least. I just don’t think I’m ready to let everyone know all of the insecurities, fears, feelings of shame, etc., that I experience. So, for now, this is how it will stay. My co-workers would be floored to learn some of the thoughts that go on in my head. I’d like to be able to feel like I can be completely open and honest with this blog, and not hold anything back. I think that is the only way this blog will be a tool along my journey.

Here is a little bit more about me.

The Good: I have a wonderful family who I adore. I have great friends who I enjoy hanging out with (yes, I’m the fat one in the group), I have a man who loves me as I love him and he supports me. I have an excellent job where I am respected and I excel at. I love to do things. I don’t watch much tv, and I do like to be active. My passion is nature. Even if I’m outside throwing the ball for my dog, I’m happy.

The Bad: I’ve experienced so much change within the last year that I’m not quite sure how to deal with everything. I’ve experienced heartbreak, love, loss, new friendships, losing old friends, uncertainty in my job, uncertainty in my family life, uncertainty in my future. There are so many details in between that I do plan on sharing at some point, I just don’t have time to write that novel right now. The point is, all of this change has just made my head a mess.

My future is still uncertain. I will probably be moving to a different country in the coming months so that means starting over. I’m not the type person who can just start over. When I go to a party or a get together, I am very shy and reserved. Even before I was fat I was like this. I would just kind of observe people and see who seemed to be the friendliest an most accepting. It has only gotten worse since I’ve gotten fat. I wonder if people just stare at me because I’m fat. I’m afraid to eat in public because are people disgusted by me. Are they wondering, why in the hell is that girl eating anything? NEWS FLASH TO SKINNY PEOPLE… fat people still need to eat believe it or not. Whether it be a banana, a hamburger, or some pizza, we still need to eat. If you see us sit down with an entire pie or cake in front of us, THEN you can stare. Stare all you want. But when we are just trying to eat dinner with your family.. Keep your eyes to yourself please.

My friends talk abotu fat people. They seem to overlook the fact that I’m fat, maybe that’s because I wasn’t always this way. So I’m accepted I guess. It still makes me feel awkward when it happens.

I guess it’s time for me to get to work now. I will have to continue this another time. As I eat my banana(good fat girl) and drink my mountain dew(bad fat girl), I will say goodbye and thanks for reading!
As I gained weight though, I think the things I love, I can’t quite enjoy as much because they have become such an effort.